Time is short

 Our time here is short. Each day I find myself wanting to spend more time just snuggling with my babies and enjoying every minute with them. Last night as I was putting the kids to bed, I had a discussion with them about not trying to grow up too fast. Benson told me that he is too old for stuffed animals now. That made my heart sad for a moment because I don't want my babies getting too old for things. So I told him if he's too old for stuffies, then he is too old for pat back or for me to pray and sing for them. He immediately says no no I'm not! I know he loves that time with me and tells me many times that he loves my voice, and loves it when I sing to them. That made me happy, so I told him he's not too old and to not rush getting older. To just embrace this time he has.

I love the age they're at and its precious to me the way that they used to desire a stuffy before bed. Then my daughter says she has a story to tell me. She proceeds to tell me that when she has a stuffy laying right next to her, that she's not touching. She has a vision that a T-rex comes and bites it to take it away. There just so happened to be a T-rex laying next to the bed so I picked it up and pretended to intact the story as she told me. She tried to be so serious and proceed to drive her point across. So I listened, and she goes on to say, when I don't have a stuffy I don't have that vision. So I don't need a stuffy so I won't see the Tr-ex coming to get it. Again my heart dropped a few notes again, I slowly worded, you - are - not - too - old - for - stuffies! And she burst out laughing as if yes mom got the point! Benson peered over his bed to look down at us and I could see the bit of concern in his eye that she thought she was now too old for them. I told them that if they wanted to be done with stuffies that it was okay but they didn't need to rush it because they had an older friend tell them that stuffies are for babies. 

Now I just want to go back and tell myself to embrace all the stuffies, do more with the stuffies, play with them pretend with them. Use the stuffies to bring comfort to the children. Allow them all the stuffies that sometimes can become overwhelming. Even now I think to myself we have a tote full of stuffies in the garage that I've tried to get out to avoid over crowding in the play room. Why? Why have I been in such a hurry to move past the stuffies as well? Now I am regretting those decisions and trying to find ways to reverse the pull away from the stuffies. In my heart I feel the Lord also saying, why are you trying to be grow up too fast. You are trying to find all the answers to lifes problems and you are getting away from just being in my presence. 

I feel like I should make a photo journal of all the things that the kids do and take photos of all the legos and placement of their action figures just to remember these days and trap them in time. I feel the need to slow down in life and focus on the time spend with our loved ones even more! 

Once the kids calmed down and I was able to begin praying for them. Benson asked if I would come snuggle with him after I prayed with Arleigh and that I would come up and sing with him and snuggle. So of course I said yes I would love to. My time with my children at night is such a precious time and I love it so much! It reminds me of the time I had with my mom. As a child I remember my mom sitting with me and rubbing or scratching my back as she would sing worship songs for us. I knew others were in the room but I felt that was time just between her and I. Those are some of my best memories with my mom. So of course, naturally I want to give my kids that love and endearment and they will remember those moments forever as well. 

Lately I have been having more dreams of time spent with my mom and siblings. It's as if God is trying to send me a message. This morning I woke up in a stir from a dream I was in. Just thinking about the dream gets me sad to write, unsure of its message. I was with Rena and we were talking and we heard a knock on the door. It was my mom, she was much thinner than I remember, and her hair was much different, it was shorter, thinner and very curly. She was having car trouble with a friend and she needed help Or so she claimed. we had some back and forth but then she left. Rena and i continued to chat and a little bit later the door knocked again. It was my mom, I could sense in my heart a little discomfort in my spirit. Her overall encounter was different this time. She seemed disheveled, she tells us that actually she had something to get off her chest. - i am trying to remember everything she said - she pulls out a note from her pocket and says "I am going home, I don't have much time so I needed to see you again. I hear behind me someone says "then go home" so dismissive and passive aggressive as if to say go ahead and die. This hurt my heart. Of course I don't want my mom to die. For many years I have longed to have the heart to heart with my mom. So I encourage her to continue. She pulls out the letter I had previously written to her and she reads a part of it. As she begins to read her voice becomes very shaky as if fighting back the pending sobs and tears. I dont remember the exact words she said but she was wanting to address my letter where I said I didnt feel she was emotionally available to me. She cried out with tears in her eyes that she loves me so much and wants to be there for me. In that instance I felt the fathers love and how our heavenly father wants exactly the same thing.  My dream came to an abrupt halt as I awoke and felt the presence of God talking to me. He says, The devil will come to steal kill and destroy, he is the father of division and dissension. he wants you far from your root of the christian faith. From the one who held you and prayed for you all those years.  Do not become so hard headed that you miss the greatest gift of Love. time is running out, its better to be about the fathers business than to be roaming about as a busy body pursuing selfish ambitions. It is time to be about the fathers business and put aside all selfish ambitions. The greatest commandment I give to you is to love. - the bible says in Galatians  the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

The thoughts that come to my mind this morning is that just as my mom taught me how to pray and to intercede through lifes trials and tribulations that we should always pray and bring our worries to the Lord. In all my life I remember having the peace that surpassed all my understanding of the situations we found ourselves. there was always the peace that God was with us.