My Story

My Name is Gretchen, I am 34 years old. I am from a small town in Washington named Almira. Population about 300, a small community of wheat farmers. My dad just retired this year from his job driving combine and working on the farm. Growing up in a small town there's not much to do around there. We always figured something out though as all kids do. When I was about 2 my parents got divorced. I was raised by my dad for the most part, I would visit my mom and step dad and my siblings on the weekends and summers. They lived in Nespelem Washington which is on the reservation. I feel like I have a pretty well rounded childhood. I mean, I had people who loved me, I had experiences that molded me into the person I am today. Definitely not all sunshine and roses that's for sure. My step dad was in the military and had been in a war, He always had to take his pills, we called them his crazy pills, because if he didn't take them he would go crazy. So there were many times we were all afraid for our lives and for my mom. I remember as a child we would have to be ready in a moments time just in case he came home drunk. Being a native with a drinking problem is a dangerous situation. But I always knew that I would be safe as long as I was with my mom and my sisters and brothers. I have 2 sisters and one brother from my moms side, and two sisters and two brothers from my step dad Willy. As long as we had each other we were safe in my eyes. We would always pray together and I know God was always watching out for us. My grandma Lela on my moms side was a strong christian woman, very rooted in her church and her community. We went to church every Sunday and even Wednesday services at the church of Nazarene in Grand Coulee Dam. As I got older I didn't go as often but I would go on occasion to the small Assembly of God with my friends and their mom in Almira. Even when I was living in Everett Washington I went to a non denominational church. I dated a Mormon for a short while but before it got to serious I asked God for his guidance, thankfully he told me I needed to leave him and come home. So that's what I did.

All that being said just goes to say that I have always had a foundation and relationship with God. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was at a church camp when I was about 10 years old. I remember feeling so heavy but then so light at the same time. My legs were weak but my heart felt so open and light. I've been able to carry on a relationship with God throughout my adult life. Through high school, I went to school in Everette Washington for massage therapy. I graduated from that place with a license in massage therapy and a certification in aroma therapy. After school I moved to Spokane Washington to get a job and start a new life. About a year of drinking and clubbing and partying, I had a fall out with some of my closest friends. Which I wont get into because it's not important and definitely not who I am now. But anyways after that I wanted to up and move to Colorado with a girlfriend of mine. But those plans were quickly thwarted when she found out she was pregnant. So I decided I would search out some new friends to hang out with on MySpace. . which is where I met my husband Jonathan. First time I met him in person he picked me up at my sisters on his crotch rocket motorcycle. He had me after that first day! haha but of course I wasn't ready to settle down so we had a rough patch there for a little while but he stuck it out with me. I had to learn a lot about how to be a good girlfriend during that time and if I wanted something to last I had to make a choice. After a really short 6 months he asked me to marry him. At that moment I knew this is what God wanted for me I knew this was my chance to a happy ending.

Beginning of our Church experiences

I met Jonathan's family and we started going to church. It was a Pentecostal church, much different from what I was raised in. My Grandmas church was a Nazarene church, very mellow and organized, mostly elderly people. No one ever spoke out in the church or danced, always singing from hymnals just like they did at the Assembly of God. So from the beginning of this new journey it was all so new to me. New faces new church atmosphere and new guidelines to follow in order to be members. I didn't know then what we'd be in for and the growth God had in store for us. It seemed like a great church, people were friendly, happy and welcoming. We could definetly feel the presence of God was there. Not too long after attending there, we both received the Holy Spirit and were baptized. But there were also things that didn't quite sit well with me for a very long time. There was an expectation of modesty and submission that I was never familiar with. Women always wore dresses, and long sleeves. Never a tank top or jewelry. It took a while to figure out when I was able to wear pants or short sleeves. I was able to open up and be comfortable with a handful of women which was nice. The Pastor and his wife were really nice people close to us in age. But one thing I remember from that first service we went to there was also the first day the pastor and his wife were taking over the church. I remember them standing up there and greeting the congregation and establishing the boundaries. But it was done in such a way that made me step back and give a perplexed look on my face. What he said will never be forgotten. He said. . . "I am your Pastor,... I will not be your friend, nor my wife will be your friend. We are here to listen and to council with Godly wisdom but there should always be a certain level of respect." of course a pastor should be respected but I was shocked to hear that, it's not like I wanted to be their best friends but it did create a certain barrier for me. It was hard for me to open up and be myself. Each time I would approach them for guidance or counseling they would simply tell me to pray about it. Let's just say that's not the most encouraging thing to say. When we're looking for real answers and real next step action plan for our life, but all we get is "pray about it", or "check yourself and maybe there are areas your not giving up to God" (which usually meant submission to my husband or in our tithes.) Needless to say we just usually figured it out on our own anyway. My husband was a part of the music ministry on the sound board and I did work in the first impression team as a greeter. My husband had suffered from anxiety and stress for a very long time. So much so that it caused him difficulty to eat or breathe even. When he asked the pastor for some help to find replacement so he could step down it was never addressed or taken care of. It put a great deal of strain on his health. We've always been sensitive to God leading our lives, so when the pastor had preached a message about mustard seed faith and how faith without works is dead. . . my husband decided to take a leap of faith and quit his job without a job lined up. We prayed and waited on God to open the door he wanted us to go through. Finally, just in time a job opened up in the Seattle area. So he took it and we moved. We got a lot of kick back for that but we knew God was doing something for us. Even though when we got there God provided in a huge way. We had already bought a house in Post Falls Idaho at this time, so we had to sell our house to move. We moved into an apartment in Bothell. I got a job shortly after and we were able to make the payments for our mortgage and our apartment. Somehow God provided! We did that for 6 months and then Jonathan lost his job because the company was unstable. So we moved back home to Idaho. Even though we were back we then still had to pay the rent for the apartment for the next 6 months because we had signed a 12 month lease. But God provided. So with the way things felt as we left the church going to Seattle we didnt feel led to return there, so we started attending a new church in Post Falls. It was the same denomination as before, had the power, the fellowship and the great word! Things there were great for a long time. We got pregnant with our first child, but shortly after Benson was born there was another situation in the church that was hard for us to avoid. Without going to much into that one I'll just say the pastor had lost his way, he mistreated his flock. Turning people against another and really abusing his authority. So God put it in my husbands heart, as well as other members of the family that it was time for us to go. Which leads us to where we are today. It has been over 3 years since we've been back to a church, I have visited a few churches here and there in an attempt at getting connected with the power again. My husband has been so hurt and just not ready to chance another church treating us that way. I however have been very blessed to have made some connections with some moms from a christian group at Heart of the city church in Coeur d Alene. We actually went out to dinner and a movie last night. We saw a documentary called Made for More by Rachel Hollis. She is the author of the book "Girl wash your face" here's a link to buy her book on amazon I am reading it now and it's already so good and Inspiring me to be a better me! So I am going to leave it at that for now and I will continue to share with you my heart and my journey in this life to become Fearlessly Authentic.!

God Bless!

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