Addicted to approval

Embracing my Journey

I have been thinking, I believe that everything happens for a reason. That is just something that has helped me cope with a lot of things in my childhood to adulthood.

I have learned a lot of lessons from wise people and many from great cartoons. lol
I have learned that there is a time and a place for everything.
and to every Trial there is a Testimony,
Even when something throws a wrench into our story taking it into a whole new light that is not as bright sometimes. But what’s important to do is to re-evaluate, take inventory and adapt.

For me, I have been thinking a lot and there has been a re-occuring theme that comes to mind when I think about my situation.

Addictions… Addictions do not look the same for everyone, there are many different kinds of addictions, some alcohol addictions, some drug addictions, sex addictions, porn, Food, Shopping, Workaholics, gambling, Internet addictions, working out addictions, but there are also behavioral addictions in relationships, one example is an addiction of approval. And that is what I want to talk about for a minute.

I’m just gonna go out and be real for a minute, I have never been the smartest, brightest, most popular, leader of the group. . . I was always just kind of told how un-intelligent I was. I was made fun of because I was so gullible, I was teased because I was so short. so I decided to exaggerate the facts and make myself a joke. I became a class clown, I goofed off, I cheated off my friends papers. I skimmed through high school by the skin of my teeth. I graduated high school with a D+ average. I have always taken the easy road. My dad paid for my rent while i went to college, which my Grandmas trust fund paid for. . . So needless to say, I have had an easy life. I am blessed with a happy and healthy family. I have had many great friends along the way.

Through each stage of life, growing up I have always had to try to impress and live up to someones standard for me. I did graduate college with a massage therapy/aromatherapy degree. But I failed at that. And then I went to school for Photography, I dropped out, started a business and then that’s fizzled out too. I found a good church. Found the man of my dreams, that’s still working for me, but through the church experience i wasn’t able to be all of me. I had to line up to the standards others had set.

Somehow, along the stages of life, I have become so obsessed with pleasing other people that I have not taken the time to focus on myself! But when I finally got out of my shell and decided to be the best version of myself, which started about two years ago. I became bolder, being more confident in myself, standing up for who I am and I had made the decision that I was not going to settle. I was not going to allow myself to be a stepping stone or the laughing stock. I was not going to be the topic of discussion when you had something to talk about. The more I put myself out there, the more I got hurt. And then God moved us here.

At first I told myself I was going to focus on my family, just a family unit. We agreed that God must have us here for a reason. So we are going to make the best of it and begin to work on healing the family unit. - But then I found a group to work out with, I made some friends. And my focus became selfish again. I put myself out there, I was up front and honest about who I was. And I was rejected again. So once again I recoiled and re-evaluated my priorities. Started doing bible studies and self help podcasts again like I always do when life gives me lemons.

Some people might turn to some of their addictions, I guess I do have an addiction to shopping when I get down. But for me....my addiction has always been approval. Trying to appeal to the masses and get approval. I think this is actually really huge in society right now. I have decided to take a stand and focus on just getting my own approval. I want to say too that I'd just like to get approval from God but I already know he approves, He loves me anyway. So I have been talking myself into closing my social Media and focusing on the family Unit again. This time I am more prepared than ever to do the thing! I have many books I plan to read and I'll be homeschooling my son whos 4.5 right now. We'll be doing more nature walks and spending more time outdoors and doing fun things with the family. Worrying less about what the world thinks of me and more about being ok just being by myself!

When we take the time to slow down and build a foundation and a house to completion, slower is always best, this will ensure we get the job done right. So if you feel a disturbance in yourself, slow down, take inventory and re-evaluate your priorities.  For me right now in my journey, I will be doing more inner love, focusing on myself and my family. I know that when I can truely find myself and my priorities all else will fall into place!